Crucify My Love
by Sae Matsumoto
Summary: Draco loves his father dearly, in ways the boy hasnt even understood yet. If only Lucius could show him the burden it is to be a Mafloy... Ok bad summary but give the story a chance, Im rather proud of it
1. Silver and Cold

Disclaimer: [This will apply to the entire story] I own none of the characters or make any profit off of this story.  
  
Crucify My Love  
  
Rating: R  
  
Pairing: Draco/Lucius  
  
Warnings: Incest and Slash  
  
Chapter 1: Silver and Cold  
  
The brilliant red, playful orange, and lively yellow flames licked away at the last remnants of rotting wood radiating a nearly uncomfortable heat. The flicker of the flames and the taunting milky moon were the only sources of light filtering into the study of Lucius Malfoy. His bluish-grey eyes stared at the dying flames as he unconsciously drummed his long pale fingers against the side of his silver serpent cane. Running his other hand, just as elegant yet strong as the other, through his long blonde hair he sighed feeling the rather unknown warmth of the fire place gradually fade, the room slowly swept up by the bitter coldness much more familiar to Malfoy Manor. His rather melancholy thoughts were momentarily distracted by the sharp feeling of another presence in the room. Swiftly turning in his chair and rising from it, Lucius moved to see the figure of his son standing in the doorway.  
  
His son, his heir, the only person who he truly loved in this horrid place. Draco Malfoy was now in sixth year and a complete beauty. He stood tall at 5'8", his skin still an enticing pale shade, his eyes the same gleaming silver pools that betrayed his stolid countenance by exposing everything that lay deep within, and his entire body completely fit from years of playing qudditich. But these were thoughts a father could not think about his son... his only son, his beautiful, alluring, perfect son- Lucius quickly shook his head as if to rid himself of these thoughts that could never be allowed to exist. Draco was only sixteen, not truly a child but still far too young to understand the depth to which Lucius felt for his son, the raw emotions that poured through his veins when he saw Draco lift those entrancing eyes for the approval only a son can crave from his father. Of course Draco loved him, he loved and respected Lucius as a father. These word Lucius kept in mind. Just as a father, he is too young, I cannot think these thoughts.  
  
Draco cleared his throat quickly jerking Lucius from the turbulent thoughts that ran wildly throughout his mind.  
  
"Father..."  
  
"What is it my son?"  
  
"My initiation to the Dark Lord will be soon, wont it?"  
  
Lucius could only nod towards his son trying his best to keep his countenance as antipathetic as possible. It certainly was not an easy task when, although Draco's brave face tried to hide it, those silvery eyes were consumed by interminable uncertainty and utter fear. Lucius would do anything to prevent Draco from receiving the Dark Mark as well as the miserable fate that came along with it. Lucius just couldn't imagine letting his beloved son live the same horrid life Lucius, himself, was forced to endure.   
  
"I don't blame you father," Draco stated simply his face still stern but his voice wavering slightly despite his best efforts to stay together.  
  
Lucius was taken aback at how Draco seemed to clearly read his mind but he didn't show it. No, Lucius had to be strong for his son, no matter how much he craved to reach out and embrace him. To feel that angelically soft silvery blonde hair against his cheek.... Once again Lucius had to shake away these thoughts that would destroy him eventually.  
  
"I will do my best to make you proud," Draco said firmly and turned to leave but then stopped midway as if contemplating something, then in one swift moment he turned around and moved quickly towards his father taking him in a tight embrace.  
  
Lucius froze as he felt Draco wrap his slender yet firm arms around his neck and rest his temple just below Lucius's shoulder as was his height. Draco continued to hug Lucius despite the fact his father just stood there motionless, seemingly not caring that his son was showing such a blatant act of emotion.   
  
Lucius just stayed there, wanting more than anything to wrap his arms around Draco and reassure him, to run his fingers through his hair and whisper in his ear comforting words. But he couldn't, not to his son, for if he returned the simple hug he wouldn't be able to let go; already the sweet vanilla smell drifting from Draco's glossy hair and warm flesh was making Lucius rather lightheaded. Yes, the boy radiated a wonderful warmth from his fragile body, from his surprisingly fragile spirit, the same fierce warmth the fire from the fireplace attempted to create but failed in doing so. Draco radiated the only type of warmth that could possibly destroy the extreme coldness that filled the essence of Malfoy Manor. Still Lucius did not dare move, he could not...  
  
Draco stayed with his arms around his silent and still father for only a moment more before admitting defeat. Draco knew better than to expect his father to show any sort of emotion but the pain was still inevitable. His pulled away slowly and let his silver eyes wander until they met with the desolate grey ones of his father. Draco stared for a moment longer before hastily turning and then quickly leaving and heading towards his room.  
  
Lucius stared at the departing figure of his son and tried to push away the vision of deep hurt he saw in his son's eyes.   
  
"I would do anything for you Draco. If I could I would take the Dark Mark all over again just to prevent you from receiving it. I would take all of your sins and let them fall upon me, no matter how heavy the burden. One day my son you will understand just how much I love you... but not today. Perhaps one day...," Lucius whispered towards the darkened and empty doorway.  
  
His eyes flickered over to the fireplace where the last remnants of the flames died down and then a moment later entirely disappeared. The room was quickly consumed by darkness, only a light silver shadow from that unforgettable moon falling onto the deep emerald rug. Lucius took a seat once again on the large chair and sat in silence feeling the cold surround him. Lightly he closed his eyes and somewhere in the back of his mind he could swear he still smelt the light vanilla fragrance of the boy. It was enough to allow himself to grow drowsy as he leaned back in the chair and soon enough he fell asleep alone in his study, the cold dark air only cut by a single silver light provided by the celestial moon. I love you my dragon, was the last thought that filtered through Lucius' mind as sleep fully overtook him.  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
I came here by day   
  
But I left here in darkness and found you on the way  
  
And now it is silver and silent, it is silver and cold  
  
You, in somber resplendence, I hold  
  
Your sins into me, oh my beautiful one  
  
Your sins into me  
  
As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble a prayer   
  
And I'll beg for forgiveness  
  
Your sins into me, oh my beautiful one  
  
Light like the flutter of wings   
  
Feel your hollow bones rushing into me   
  
As your longing to sing  
  
So I will paint you in silver  
  
I will wrap you in cold  
  
I will lift up your voice as I sink  
  
Cold in life throes  
  
I'll fall asleep for you  
  
I only ask you turn away as they seep into me   
  
Your sins into me  
  
Oh my beautiful one now  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
~ "Silver and Cold" by AFI  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
Well that's the first chapter... I hope you all enjoyed it, I really love feedback so please do review. The plot bunny hasn't really hit me as of yet so I could use any and all suggestions! Thanks much! 


	2. Behind Blue Eyes

Crucify My Love  
  
Rating: R  
  
Pairings: Draco/Lucius  
  
Warnings: Slash and Incest  
  
Chapter 2: Behind Blue Eyes  
  
The first few rays of sun filtered into Draco Malfoy's large room as he reluctantly opened his eyes. The sinister sun held no pity for the pale Slytherin as more of those relentless rays glided through Draco's window and spread themselves in a mesmerizing pattern upon the dark green silk sheets adorning Draco's bed. As his liquid silver eyes fully opened the faded memories of last night flowed deeply into his mind.   
  
Draco loved his father so dearly, more than anything or anyone else in the world. He respected, revered and wanted to be just like his father... well in nearly all respects. There was at least one thing that Draco couldn't bear to even think about; receiving the dark mark. Draco certainly wasn't a good-doer or a hero or anything pertaining to such. No, Draco was no where near a Harry Potter Golden Boy type and yet... Deep within Draco knew he wasn't consumed with interminable evil, perhaps he had his own sinister qualities but all were rather juvenile. Deep in the darkness of himself, Draco wasn't a true follower of Voldemort and he may never be able to. That wasn't to say that all death eaters were evil. His father was a death eater, and Draco knew more than anything, no matter how hard Lucius tried to hide it, his father was not entirely consumed by the malevolent and sinister Voldemort. Just the thought of the Dark Lord's name gave Draco chills he would never admit. But he didn't want to be weak, he wanted to be more like his father, strong and fearless, free of all emotions that may hold him back. Draco sighed as he sat up in his bed and reflected on last night.   
  
Draco knew that his father loved him, even if he didn't always show it, or perhaps never showed it. Still, somewhere inside Draco could feel that his father felt the same way as he did. If only his father could just once show him how much he loved him. But sometimes Draco couldn't even bear to think of his father at all. The emotions that ran fiercely through his veins were overwhelming and made Draco feel out of control. There were times, those few lucky times when Draco was fortunate enough to have his father grace Draco as well as Draco's mother with his presence, and in those fateful times Draco found himself mesmerized by his fathers presence. He couldn't help but stare at his father in awe; Draco was convinced his father was perfect. An utter vision of extreme perfection, from his looks, to his power, to his posture and mannerisms, and his cool, calm and controlling voice. Draco felt a flush creep over his face as he remembered on several accounts when just upon hearing his father's voice he would instantly receive chills as well as feel himself uncontrollably become excited. Certainly in ways that a son shouldn't feel when just hearing the voice of his father.  
  
Draco didn't allow such thoughts to run through his mind for very long though. He wanted to show his father how he felt, but first he knew he must realize how he felt himself. In any case, it was time for breakfast and he didn't wish to take the chance that his father wouldn't be there. He knew better though, his father almost never showed his powerful presence at the breakfast table. On a usual day there would be Draco, his mother and many scrambling house elves running about upon their orders. But then their were those rare times, those times that Draco treasured most when his father would enter the opulent dinning room, his dark robes contrasting beautifully with his strong pale face, those icy blue eyes staring about the room but never acknowledging the people within it. He would then take the large seat at the head of the table before addressing his Draco's mother nonchalantly about minuscule matters to be taken care of. Lucius would never even turn his head towards his son, such a refusal to commit this action always made Draco wonder... silly hopes perhaps. His father's eyes would always remain seated, fully iced over, no emotion but there was something, something even Narcissa didn't notice. But Draco did, there was pain beneath his father's blue eyes. Draco could see the pain ever so clearly most likely due to the fact it was the exact same pain Draco's own silvery eyes mirrored back to the harsh world. Draco wondered if his father experienced the same desolate hurt that consumed all of Draco. Maybe, just maybe Draco wasn't alone in his inexplicable misery. This small hope kept Draco going, along with the rather hopeless hope that his father would one day recognize it. It was enough for now...  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
"Where were you last night?" Narcissa asked her violet eyes narrowing does anyone know the colour of her eyes? I guess I shall make them violet then ^_^.  
  
Lucius barely even glanced in her direction before cooly answering, "I fell asleep in the study."  
  
"Interesting..."  
  
Lucius raised an elegant brow to this.  
  
"And why is this of so much interest to you?"  
  
"Nothing my dear, I just ask you be careful, there are house elves all about this house. They tell me everything."  
  
Lucius gave a cold laugh and replied venom dripping off of his words. "Is that a threat my love?"  
  
"Perhaps... Just don't think I can't see those looks you give our soon, sadness and longing. Those looks you think he will never catch. For gods sake Lucius he is our son! I will not have such things occurring under my roof!"  
  
Lucius stared at her blankly for only a moment before pushing her roughly against the wall, in his bitterly cold voice Lucius whispered sharply in her ear.  
  
"Don't ever threaten, or tell me what to do again. Is that clear? You know nothing of me and never will. Remember it was you who was lucky in this arranged marriage. The Malfoy's have the true power, you merely married your way into all of this."  
  
"You make me sick," she spat back attempting to push him away and free herself but only being able to move away after Lucius, himself, removed his arms.  
  
The two had barely taken a few breaths before Draco entered the dinning room. His silver eyes could hardly hide the pure joy at seeing his father was present.  
  
"Good morning mother, father," Draco said greeting both his parents but never taking his eyes away from the stolid figure of his father.  
  
"Good morning Draco," Narcissa nearly sung out as she gestured towards an empty seat, "Sit, the house elves will bring breakfast in a moment."  
  
Draco slowly took a seat, his eyes still glued to the unmoving figure of his father, and this time it proved not to be in vain, for although Lucius never said a word he caught his son's glare and met it. The ice blue and grey-silver eyes met, for only the briefest moments but nonetheless a rather strong moment. Draco felt his breath catch in his throat as his father stared straight back at him with much less emptiness than usual. This time Draco was sure he could sense the pain much more clear. Behind those blue eyes, Draco thought, behind those eyes perhaps his father felt the same way Draco did. Perhaps finally someone did know. In any case, the moment passed and Lucius left the room swiftly and silently. Draco took his eyes away and looked down at the table. None of the exchange was missed by Narcissa whose violet eyes danced form both parties before she silently sat, her mind filled with thoughts that would not be quieted so easily.   
  
"Not this time Lucius" she thought to herself...  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&  
  
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man behind blue eyes  
  
And no one know what it's like to be hated  
  
To be faded to telling only lies  
  
But my dreams they are as empty  
  
As my conscious seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance that's never free  
  
No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings  
  
Like I do and I blame you  
  
No one bites back as hard on their anger  
  
None of my pain can show through  
  
But my dreams they are as empty  
  
As my conscious seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance that's never free  
  
No one knows what it's like to mistreated  
  
To be defeated behind blue eyes  
  
And no one know how to say that their sorry  
  
And don't worry, I'm not telling lies  
  
But my dreams they are as empty  
  
As my conscious seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance that's never free  
  
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man behind blue eyes  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Behind Blue Eyes"  
  
By The Who  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
Yay I've got another chapter out. Well I think I may have a plot, but it's all blurred so any help with plot ideas or constructive criticism would be appreciated! Thanks much! 


	3. Bleed Black

Crucify My Love   
  
Rating: R   
  
Pairings: Draco/Lucius, mention of Severus/Lucius   
  
Warnings: Slash and Incest   
  
Chapter 3: Bleed Black   
  
Livindagclife: Thanks so much, you are such a sweet and inspiring reviewer. ^_^  
  
Chrysler: Here is the continuation. ^_^  
  
Brody Star: Thanks so much. Sorry the update took so long. .  
  
The last few rays from the fading sun diminished behind the overbearingly bright horizon, another empty night claiming the Malfoy Manor. The master bedroom was completely silent as Narcissa Malfoy paced slowly over the plush crimson carpet which lay upon the floor of the immensely opulent room. She stopped in front of the mantel of the large fire place, whose marble had been carved into a silver serpent design, and her violet eyes darkened with animosity as they fell upon a picture of Lucius and herself which had been placed on the mantel's edge. This very significant picture was of herself and her husband on their wedding day, an event which was publicly known as a day of happiness, of joy; a splendid affair of love, compassion and commitment.  
  
But to Narcissa, the photo of her wedding only represented a fierce shattering of such love and passion, a pure fragment of joy that had been forever crushed. At her own hands, perhaps? There was no denying that the mere thought of causing her husband misery brought a satisfied smile to her face.   
  
All of the riches that the world had to offer were meant to be hers, as, descending from a pure blood line, she should have been given her rightful inheritance . And Lucius, the blonde pure-blooded wizard, was to be her husband. She would have had it all.  
  
But Lucius never loved her... Hell, she had never loved him either. But that didn't matter in the great scheme of things; sustaining aristocratic blood had not a thing to do with this emotion referred to as love, and unions between two people were to be made out of obligation alone. But as the years passed, Lucius had become increasingly unfaithful to her, at least in the sense of not being faithful to the part, or rather, the role, in life that he was destined to play. And his role was of an obedient death eater who had no emotions, nothing to hold him back or cause him to second guess himself. But it was on the night of their wedding that Narcissa saw this illusion come crashing down.  
  
***  
  
{------22 years ago-------}   
  
A low, guttural cry resounded through the dusty, shadowed room; an utter completion had been achieved by both of the men in the darkened library. After a few gasps, the light-haired one rested his head against the equally pale-skinned shoulder of the dark-haired one. After softly and tenderly removing himself from the other man, Lucius Malfoy rested his head against his slightly damp temple.   
  
"Tomorrow is your wedding day–"   
  
"Shh! Don't speak of such things.... I wish not to recall the rest of the world. Let reality sleep for a little longer."   
  
"I need you..."   
  
A sigh.   
  
"My beloved. Your love is like that of a bloody rose. Crimson heaps falling into velvety petals, consuming and thrashing, beating upon the depths of my tattered heart."   
  
"I never took you to be a poet, Luc."   
  
The blonde-haired boy bit playfully into his lover's pale shoulder. His eyes seeming to be orbs in which shards of icy water were contained. Cloudy, blue discs of ice, breaking into sharp pieces in front of his lover.   
  
"Time passes so quickly. I want to go away. I need you as well. I love you. I need to love you because I cannot suppress these emotions. But they make me feel them, they make me and it hurts me. I don't want to leave, I want you to take away the pain. Don't let them take me. I want to stay," Lucius mourned in a torrent of lament rushing through his lungs, suffocating him with gusts of misery.   
  
The dark man opened his mouth to respond, but, upon hearing a noise which came from the opposite side of the room, he closed it quickly.   
  
Violet eyes glowing with untamable anger gleamed from the darkened doorway of the dusky room. Suppressing an angry hiss at the scene that lay before her, Narcissa placed a satisfied, evil smirk upon her pale lips, a veil masking her cold countenance. Not bothering to conceal the malice in her sickly sweet, sugared-coated voice, she entered the room.   
  
"What do we have here?"   
  
Both men jumped apart, utter disgust evident in one man's face, pure terror within the other's. The latter of the two was the 7th year student Severus Snape; he was easily recognizable despite the pieces dark hair which were strewn and matted across the sallow and pale skin of his face. He continued to move away from the imposing Narcissa until his back hit the against the towering bookcase of the woman's library.   
  
"Severus," she whispered faintly, bitterness laced within her words, "you shall never see my fiancé, or, as he will be in a few hours, my husband, again. He will make sure of that."   
  
As she hissed these words, she raised one arm slightly, allowing the opulent material of its sleeve to fall back and revealing the sinister dark mark which had been burned into her skin. The dark-haired Slytherin visibly winced at the sight, and though he hadn't quite acknowledged her threat, the defeat in his eyes told of his submission to her. Severus hadn't the strength to dare oppose Voldemort, the Dark Lord. And, glancing sadly at his lover, he knew that Lucius had even less of the courage to do so.   
  
Lucius, heir of Mortimer Malfoy, had always been a beautiful child. His grey-blue eyes, glossy, white-blonde hair, and aristocratic features were all telling traits of his high breeding. His skin was beautiful, and of an icy porcelain hue.   
  
But porcelain is delicate, and it can break. Lucius had passion and heart, but he was also weak. In the physical sense, he was average, but only average and because of this fact, Mortimer Malfoy wouldn't dare allow his son to apear average. It had been an act of rebellion indeed when Lucius became seeker of the Slytherin quidditch team; he had done it merely to beat James Potter at his own beloved game, and it was also a way to retaliate against the teasing that Potter and his Gryffindor cronies would inflict upon his best friend and lover, Severus Snape. In any case, this isn't the sort of weakness that Lucius had; his weakness was far worse.   
  
He felt, he loved, he needed, he craved, and his control over all of these things was minimal. He became stronger after years of training himself to be hard and cold, but these emotions never truly went away, and he was forced to hide it all from the world, and hide it he did. By his 7th year at school, Lucius was strong, indestructible; or, so his facade led others to believe him to be. He would only allow this mask to slip, to fall and to shatter onto the cold ground when Severus was with him. But still, fragile porcelain can only hide so much. The glossy material, glossy as Lucius' own pale hair, can reflect many secrets and hidden desires, and Narcissa could see these things better than anyone else. She could see his weakness.   
  
Staring at the trembling form of the man right now, she could see his weakness once again. The way his eyes darkened in trepidation upon facing the horrid, burned flesh on her forearm. The resentment and destroyed hope that lingered in his smoky eyes, wisps of shattered expectations.   
  
"And on the day before our wedding, my love? I wonder how you got him into my lovely home. Hmm, never mind, I don't think I care to know," she said these words with no traces of malice left, only stolid amusement.   
  
Her graceful, pale arms reached for the dusty heap of Severus's clothing, and she picked them up and eyed them disdainfully.   
  
"Severus," she spoke calmly to him while holding out the pile of clothing, "We shall both see you at Death Eater gatherings and such. Besides this... I never want to see you again, nor will my beloved Lucius."   
  
Severus opened his mouth slightly as if to protest her words, to say something, anything, in order to prevent this unspoken ultimatum from wreaking its havoc upon them, but he was soon quieted by the sight of that evil dark mark and the venom embedded in Narcissa's eyes. With a whisper of defeat gracing his own raven eyes, Severus got up, took his clothing and dissapparted out of the room, leaving the vicious woman and furious man behind.   
  
Lucius could put no words forth that could even attempt to express his frustrations against Narcissa and the fateful situation she had put him in. So instead, he raised an angry hand and slapped the haughty woman standing before him. Falling back, a fierce line of crimson appearing on the cheek in which his hand can come into contact with, she laughed a hollow laugh, hauntingly filling the expanse of the dusty library.   
  
Not yet done inflicting physical pain upon Narcissa, Lucius firmly grabbed her shoulders and slammed her against the cold marble door frame. She only laughed in a distasteful manner, a sinister smile gracing her lips.   
  
Spotting the silver moisture within his light eyes, her crimson lips curled into a daunting smirk.   
  
"You're so pathetic. If it weren't for your family line I would be utterly disgusted with this marriage that will occur tomorrow."   
  
Once more he shoved her against the wall, her blonde head crashing against the marble doorframe with a sickening thud. A small stream of scarlet fell down from her scalp, flowing across her cheek and dripping lightly from her pointed chin.   
  
"You disgust me! I will be your husband and you will not speak to me in such ways! I will not tolerate such disrespect," Lucius continued to shout though his voice had grown hoarse and he was now unable to hide his misery from beneath the folds of his interminable anger.   
  
Narcissa only responded to his outburst with a satisfied smile and a few words.   
  
"You are weak, Lucius." She traced her fingers lightly across his cheek, "You'll break one day, and when you do I will be there smiling ever so happily at you."   
  
***  
  
She smiled once again at the memory, all her anger at his petty betrayals quickly washing away. Those bitter memories had a sweet edge to them, a refreshing and calming feeling in the mere fact of remembering the pain inflicted unto her shattered husband. Her crimson lips curled into a taunting smirk which slowly dissolved into an expression of anxiety as a loud noise exploded from the ivory, floor length mirror which rested in the corner of the shadowed room. However, the anxiety was soon pacified, and her violet eyes exuded solemn understanding. Her master was there, his cold and frightening smile adding to the dreary surroundings.   
  
Blood scarlet eyes stared relentlessly at the pale and vivacious woman in the center of the abandoned room, momentarily obscured by a mist of ashes and smoke. Serpentine lips twisted into a purely sinister smile, and a small, choked laugh escaped from the thin and daunting slit of a mouth. Voldemort was here.   
  
Violet eyes lowered to the plush ground along with a head bowed in respect.   
  
"My Lord..."  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
I am exploring the inside   
  
I find it desolate   
  
I do implore these confines   
  
Now as they penetrate, "recreate me"   
  
I'm hovering throughout time   
  
I crumble in these days   
  
I crumble, I cannot find reflection in these days   
  
If you listen, listen close   
  
Beat-by-beat you can hear when my heart stops   
  
I saved the pieces when it broke   
  
And ground them all to dust   
  
I am destroyed by the inside   
  
I disassociate   
  
I hope to destroy the outside   
  
It will alleviate and elevate me   
  
Like water flowing through lungs   
  
I'm flowing in these days   
  
As morphine tears through deadened veins   
  
I'm numbing in these days   
  
I know what died that night   
  
It can never be brought back to life once again   
  
I know I died that night and I'll never be brought back to life   
  
Once again I know   
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~   
  
"Bleed Black" By AFI   
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~ 


End file.
